Wednesday, March 9, 2022

Bonus Content- 2014 New Years' Letter from Optimus Prime

This was a "letter from Optimus Prime" I wrote and posted in the thread on TFW2005 on January 1st, 2014:


Ahoy, greetings and many salutations! Optimus here, for those of you who don’t remember me (that was merely a formality. Of course you remember me). For this fine New Year I thought it prudent to reach out and attempt to make contact with friends I made in Knockora-Offina, a miraculously dismal time of my life I cherish, yet long to forget. You might be curious as to what I’ve been up to lately (and if you’re not, that’s cool too. Not everyone is as awesome as I am).

 

            Where to start, where to start…I know it seemed that Megsy and I went through the Blue Hole to certain doom, and you wouldn’t be all wrong! While he went back to the old universe to be reformatted into Galvatron by Unicron, I found myself floating in the blueberry custard-like atmosphere of the Allspark. I ran into several familiar faces, most of which I sent to their deaths in my early days of being a Prime (and might I say it was good to see them with their faces since the last time we met that was a part of their body most of them were severely lacking). Some shrugged at my appearance, going about their afterlife with utter ambivalence, others were mighty surprised I joined them in death and a select few thought it necessary to get in my face and remind me that I was the reason for their demise. When my customary defense mechanism of picking out the most obvious thing about them to poke fun of failed, fisticuffs ensued and I found myself in Allspark jail. That’s right my friends, the Allspark has a jail! I never in a million years thought the Allspark would have a jail. That would be like Chick-Fil-A making Tracks their poster child. But I digress.

 

How did myself, a PRIME of all people, find himself in Allspark Jail, you might ask? Well as the old saying goes; “Primus ain’t don’t play favorites with no bots.” I’m not sure who exactly said that, but that quote and his legend has been passed down for generations. That same person also had some quite nice things to say about the Decepticon holiday Tronza and is rumored to have drunk a bottle of rust every night to stave off Cybercrosis. Supposedly he died of Cybercrosis. But that’s neither here nor there.

 

During my tenure in Allspark jail I befriended a very young very dead Autobot named Shortf*** (apparently I gave him this nickname during a time I “accidentally” ingested several different types of circuit boosters) who claimed he had been unfairly imprisoned for quite some time, for reasons he had a hard time explaining. In fact come to think of it, each time he tried to explain it, his story changed dramatically. But anyway, I took it upon myself to right this abominable wrong done to poor Shortf***, though to be honest I selfishly thought this good deed would cut my incarceration time considerably. To make a short story only slightly shorter, I incited a prison riot. A bad one too. Naked inmates huddling in fear, the glint of shivs catching the corner of my optic at every turn…the feces…oh the bountiful feces…once things settled down I learned that Shortf*** was actually a Decepticon who got thrown into prison for impersonating Primus himself in an emboldened attempt to rummage around in a fembot’s casing in which he fancied. Shortly after the realization hit me that the riot I started may not have been for the best of purposes, I slipped away since it turns out Allspark Jail is really poorly designed and anyone can really walk right out anytime they please.

 

With my half hour of hard time behind me, I set forth to explore the Allspark with renewed vigor. Most of it is nice, like I said it feels like blueberry custard and it smells like a rich concoction of pine needles and Suave Men’s Shampoo. The standard kind, not with any dandruff control or anything like that. Point is, the place is nice. Most of it anyway. Once you cross the train tracks it’s a whole other story. A lot of the junkies and hobos that populated the old Dead End slums back on Cybertron died without straightening themselves out, and they end up doing the exact same thing after death as they did in life. It’s tragic in a REALLY hilarious kind of way. There’s also the guys who die and get bored of all the perfection and decide to live on the other side of the train tracks just…because. Not me though. I took one look at the inhabitants of the Allspark slums…the guys sitting there jacking on, out of their minds, performing unspeakable acts for their next fix (there was this little yellow guy using these “special fingers” for acts other than their intended use if you know what I mean)…it was depressing. Optimus Prime is not one beholden to depression. So I got the hell out of there, back to blueberry custard and pine needles soaked in Suave. The next thing I remember, I was blinded by this super bright light and I was staring at Sky Lynx, acting like we were best friends as usual, and there was this Quintesson who supposedly brought be back to life in the old dimension. I gotta tell you, I was a little perturbed by the sheer audacity they displayed by taking me away from a comfortable death only to tell me Hot Rod (sorry…Rodimus…blah blah blah) f***ed up (big surprise) and I needed to save the universe from some Hate Plague. It goes without saying that I saved the day. It was awesome. Everyone thought Hot Rod (I’m just calling him that. Get over it.) was the only one who could open up the Matrix but I did it too. They were all like “Woah! Optimus can open the Matrix too, that’s super awesome and we love Optimus, Hot Rod is a total douche”! You should have seen it. Legen-f***ing-dary. After that was done and over with I commandeered a hot tub, made Hot Rod be my towel boy and in the back of my mind realized the situation seemed REALLY familiar, like I had done it several times before, somewhere else (once I was brought back to life I didn’t remember any thing that happened in Knockora-Offina since it was supposed to be overwritten. I probably should have reminded you of that earlier but it didn’t seem important until I realized it probably was).

 

            It was a little while after that I learned Japanese then died again while we were all trying to regulate Vector Sigma with Matrix energy and I returned back here to the Allspark, happy as a clam. It was then that I remembered my time in Knockora-Offina and almost wished I could go back there. But this place is too nice. Take a bath in pine needles and Suave then immediately soak in blueberry custard and you’ll know what I mean. That pretty much brings you up to speed with me, though the timelines may seem a little skewed and exaggerated I assure you I wouldn’t lie to you. Ever. Maybe once. But this isn’t that one time. One last thing, if you see Hot Rod around tell him he’s a douche for me. We made amends but he’s still a douche. Seriously, tell him that Optimus says you’re a douche. He’ll totally laugh. If he doesn’t laugh just say it louder and louder until he does. I better go, I hear Shortf*** escaped too and I should probably help bring him to justice before I get anyone else at the prison killed. Have a f***ing awesome New Year and never pass up the opportunity to get in a hot tub, you can’t take one with you when you die.

 

Sincerely,

 

Optimus Prime

(The BEST Prime)

 

PS: Don’t forget. Blueberry custard with pine needles and Suave. Hot Rod’s a douche. Get in a hot tub. You’re welcome.


Bonus Content- Script for Unused Hot Shot Spotlight

 The following is a script I had saved for a spotlight comic featuring Hot Shot. It was originally intended to be used during the 2012 series of spotlights and I put off going one for Hot Shot until the next year and went in a different direction. Enjoy!


Hot Shot

 

“Let Me Telling Yous a Stories…”

 

Panel 1

[Hot Shot, Brawn, Cosmos, Beachcomber, Outback, Pipes, Swerve and Wheelie]

 

Hot Shot: “Gathering arounds! Hot Shot am goinging to tells you about one of the…well…nots GREATEST stories to happens to us, but it am was a pretty bigs deal…”

 

Panel 2

[Drawn in Paint]

 

Four Unicrons, Nemesis primal, Cryotek and Paris Hilton

 

Narration: “It was times for evil Unicron to put him’s plan into motion and being all mean and stuff. Him brought in him’s bad heralds to be bad too.”

 

Panel 3

[Drawn in Paint]

 

Big fight scene, Unicrons, Movie Decepticons, Heralds fighting Autobots and Decepticons

 

Narration: “Them attackeded the Autobots and Decepticons! Them’s badness was REALLY bad! Lots of us was hurted and put into stasis locks.”

 

Panel 4

[Drawn in Paint]

 

Cyclonus talking to Galvatron

 

Narration: “Skipping over some stuff about runninging aways, finding other survivors and pointlessess Knockoffs, there am was one Decepticon who stooded up for what hims believed in. Yeah. A Decepticons. Weird, huh?”

 

Panel 5

[Drawn in Paint]

 

Maxi-Megs blasting Starscream, Megatron Raging

 

Narration: “Then a first-tier character whets bye-byes when hims was stupid, making Megatron go all FUUUUUUUUUU--!!!!!”

 

Panel 6

[Drawn in Paint]

 

Optimus and Megatron on ground, Heralds standing over them

 

Panel 7

[Drawn in Paint]

 

Ulticron looming over Primus

 

Narration: “When it all lookeded so bads and Unicrons was going to be winning…

 

Panel 8

[Drawn in paint]

 

Shottimus Prime

 

Narration: “There am was a hero that arisded from the ranks to lightinged the darkesest hours!”

 

Panel 9

[Picture]

 

Hot Shot: “Some other stuffs happeneded too but it wasn’tn’t as important. The Ends.”

 

Brawn: Yeah we know. We were there.”

 

Panel 10

[Minibots walking offscreen]

 

Wheelie: “This is no game…that was LAME.”

 

Swerve: “You guys wanna get a drink? There’s this great place where we can get a drink. I sort of own it! Come on you guys follow me, I’ll take you there!”

 

Pipes: “Swerve…shut the hell up.”

 

Panel 11

Hot Shot: “Sighs…kids these days.”

 

Panel 12

Cliffjumper: “Uhhh…isn’t Hot Shot a couple generations YOUNGER than those guys?”

 

Hound: “Yes…but just let him have his moment.”

 

Hot Shot (barely in screen): “Hot Shot needing a new agent. That was a BAD spotlights for him.”

 


Comic #1300














































 

FINAL NOTE: I posted the first comic on November 21st, 2006. This comic was posted November 22nd, 2013. There's no way to truly unpack everything here, almost 10 years later, via typing on a keyboard, but I wanted to give everyone a happy ending. Everyone being sent back to their home dimensions, amends being made, and Optimus and Megatron making one final sacrifice for those they care about. And regarding the commentary trio, Kid_Convoy from TFW2005 said it better than I could hope to: "Hound, Cliffjumper and Hot Shot having the final word and they find they have none". Making this final comic was a massive emotional undertaking for me. I remember my wife was out of the house the evening I took these pictures and it really gave me time to come to terms with what was going on. I admit it took me several tries to get through all the pictures since I had to keep taking breaks to regain my composure. It was the same situation when I did the photo editing and put the effects and dialogue in. It took me more than a single day to do it all. Once I posted it on the website I couldn't bring myself to check in for replies for several hours. Once I did, I was met with the kindest comments and well wishes. As frustrating as any fan base can be, there are equal amounts of support in the creative aspects of it. I wouldn't have stuck with this dumb comic for seven years if not for the support, constructive criticism, and friendship I found in the Funnies section on TFW2005. I stopped making comics because my wife and I were having a baby in early 2014. Now my son is 8 years old and he's the smartest, funniest, most creative kid I've ever met. In fact, over the last year he's made his own little comic storyline using my Transformers. I should also note I did a small-scale sequel called "Full Circle" from 2015-2017 I intend to upload as well. Maybe someday I'll get back to making comics again full time and have my son help me with it, but for now, I can just revisit these moments with nostalgia. Thank you for sticking with me!

Comic #1299









 

NOTE: In my mind this comic is where everything was well and truly wrapped up. Optimus and Hot Rod making amends, and that final callback to the 4th comic where Hot Rod calls Optimus 'Bigbot' would have made a perfect finale on its own, but I wanted a definitive ending so there's one more super-sized comic to follow.